I wish I knew this when…

I heard the same phrase from three different care partner families this week: “I wish I knew this when” is followed by a story of past events in their elders’ life. These stories are sad, painful examples of what happens to care partners when the world of their elder living with dementia is not understood. “This” refers to a care partners learning to apply the seven Domains of Well-being identified by the Eden Alternative https://www.edenalt.org/our-framework/ and implemented by Dr. Al Power. http://www.alpower.net/alpower_bio.htm

The phrase “I wish I knew this when” speaks directly to knowledge gained through experience. And isn’t that what an elder is? The last sentence of the Live Oak Elder definition is “Moreover, an Elder is a person who deserves respect and honor and whose work it is to synthesize wisdom from long life experience and formulate this into a legacy for future generations.” http://liveoakinstitute.org/

When we don’t understand our elder’s world, it’s difficult to imagine “synthesizing wisdom from lifelong experience…” When unmet needs are so severe that food is thrown at a 10-year-old, an elder is discharged from an assisted living 2 days after moving in because he is breaking rules, or an elder hasn’t bathed in months, words like respect, honor and legacy seem silly. The list of misunderstood unmet needs is painful and endless.

One of the challenges for Perspectives Coaching is not only to teach the well-being approach in a compelling format, but also to provide practical care partner support. Whether an elder is in a long-term care or less restrictive community (including home) one thing care partners have in common is lack of time and opportunity to engage. Perspectives Coaching is listening closely to elders and care partners living with dementia. This includes attending the mid-September Dementia Action Alliance conference. https://daanow.org/conference/ (see Sept 4 blog) In October, we will offer a complimentary “Well-Being Stories” series. Additional information will be provided on our website.